Item #: SCP-231-J
Object Class: Neutralized Keter
Special Containment Procedures: If there is any feasible way to contain or neutralize SCP-231-J, any proposals and ideas are welcome for submission to the O5 Council immediately. Generation of a successful containment protocol for SCP-231-J will result in the compensation of the responsible parties with Bonus Package 10-Elysium.
Bonus Package 10-Elysium:
• One Lamborghini Centenario LP 770-4, customized for interstellar travel
• One Iron Maiden concept album dedicated to your life and accomplishments
• One high-five from the Administrator, Dr. Alto Clef, and SCP-076-2
• True Love
• Complete diplomatic immunity in the United States of America, the United Kingdom, and one other country of your choice
• Summary executions of your enemies, carried out by MTF Omega-7.5 ("OK-Class Reunion Tour Scenario")
Description: SCP-231-J is a hostile metamorphic entity that has generated from an unpaid loan of $2.00 given to Dr. Elena Jackson, the current Administrator of the Foundation, on April 26th, 1983. The loan was received from PoI-231-Omega, who was then one of Dr. Jackson's coworkers at Site-19, where Dr. Jackson had been the site director before her promotion.
Incident 231-Alpha-993
<Begin log>
Dr. Jackson: Wow, that giant spider really likes eating babies. Hey, Steve?
[PoI-231-Omega]: Yo!
Dr. Jackson: You got two dollars?
[PoI-231-Omega]: Sure thing, Dr. Jackson. What for?
Dr. Jackson: I need a Pepsi.
[PoI-231-Omega]: Don't we have them for, like, one dollar in the cafeteria?
Dr. Jackson: Yeah, but I want a big one.
[SCP-231 is given to Dr. Jackson]
[PoI-231-Omega]: When you gonna pay me back?
[Dr. Jackson leaves]
<End log>
On September 26, 1983, in the aftermath of a major containment breach by SCP-████ that resulted in 23,401 fatalities (Known as Incident-████-Black), the Administrator was confronted about the unpaid debt.
Incident 231-Beta-993
<Begin log>
[Irrelevant data redacted]
Dr. Jackson: …That should take care of amnestic dispersal protocols for the civilians. Any questions? Yeah, Steve.
[PoI-231-Omega]: Where's that money you owe me?
Dr. Jackson: Not the time or place. Any other questions?
[PoI-231-Omega]: Actually, I think you have a very poor understanding of how serious this situation is.
Dr. Jackson: As do you, clearly - a quarter of a hundred thousand people's minds just exploded, and you're worrying about two dollars.
[PoI-231-Omega]: Well, if you had done your homework, you'd notice that, in my application for employment at Site-19, I specifically included a 50-page addendum detailing any loans that I would disperse to my coworkers, regardless of value. This addendum, which you agreed to by accepting my application (Article 2, paragraph 34), explicitly states that the debt would need to be repaid in full no less than 72 hours from initial disbursement. Having failed to do so, you have incurred a Class-G Delinquency Penalty Rate (Article 5, paragraph 19) of $100 dollars per month, plus a $5,000 first-time default fee and applicable Silver-level compound interest rates, as outlined in the monthly newsletter to which you subscribed by accepting my application (Article 5, paragraph 50). You currently owe me $493,026.34, plus tax.
Dr. Jackson: Steve, what's this?
[PoI-231-Omega]: What's what?
Dr. Jackson: This thing in my hand.
[PoI-231-Omega]: I don't see how that's relevant to the case at hand, but that's a combat-grade amnestic visual cognitohaz—
[PoI-231-Omega falls unconscious]
Dr. Jackson: The phrase "you're so fucking fired" comes to mind.
<End log>
On April 10th, 1990, following the death of the previous Administrator from food poisoning, Dr. Jackson was elected as his replacement in light of her heroism and leadership during Incident-████-Black. Two days after her inauguration, contact with the Foundation was re-established by PoI-231-Omega, having recovered from his amnestic treatment through the usage of the highly esoteric and experimental technique known as "having written it down prior to the amnestics." At this point, through several loopholes carefully designed by PoI-231-Omega, SCP-231-J had increased in value to $50,936,299,102.49 plus tax, with an additional debt of "500 human souls, two truckloads of diamonds, the blood of a virgin, and a goddamn pony."
Following this contact, PoI-231-Omega was promptly located by MTF Psi-8 ("The Silencers"), issued several restraining orders, reprimanded, and stabbed to death1. Before his termination, PoI-231-Omega made an otherwise unintelligible mention of a "transfer to a third-party collections agency." Following this, SCP-231-J was temporarily reclassified as Neutralized.
Addendum 1: On May 15th, 1995, Site-19 received a letter in an unmarked envelope.
Scarlett & King Collections Agency
7 N. Seal Drive
Montauk, NY 11954
Dear Dr. Jackson,
Hello there! SO excited about getting to know you. See, we've been made aware of a tiny debt you've been keeping from our client, Dr. Steven ████. No biggie, we swear - we're a new, progressive startup, bringing a non-judgmental, people-focused approach to collections, so you don't have anything to worry about from us!
So far, it looks like you owe him:
• $[DATA EXPUNGED].53, plus tax
• 700 trillion human souls condemned eternally to the sadistic pleasure-pits of [DATA EXPUNGED]
• Ownership of 53 individual timelines of the Multiverse
• And one "goddamn pony"
This shouldn't be a problem at all. With our customized payment plans, you'll only have to [DATA EXPUNGED]
So be sure to get back to us as soon as you can - specifically, by June 1st! Otherwise, we might have to deal with the least favorite part of our jobs: penalties. Ugh! So unpleasant.
Fortunately, these penalties are barely noticeable. They include, but are not limited to:
• An indefinite lien on the mortality of SCP-682
• Repossession of anomalous property, courtesy of fourth-party contractors such as the Chaos Insurgency
• Transfer of negotiations to an onsite collections liaison
So, we suggest you get right on this! Now.
Eyes on the prize,
Maisie Scarlett
Addendum 2 - Collections Liaison: On June 1st, 1995, a raid on a demon-worshipping compound led to the discovery of the aforementioned "Collections Liaison" entity. For more information on this entity, please refer to the documentation for SCP-231.
- Encryption Key Accepted
Procedure 110-Montauk:
1. The six class-D personnel will enter SCP-231-7's containment chamber, holding a suitcase filled with $500,000.00 in cash.
2. The six D-class personnel will throw the cash at SCP-231-7 in as disorganized and passive-aggressive of a manner as possible.
- Encryption Key Accepted
Dear Friends,
It has come to my attention that recently, certain rumors have surfaced regarding SCP-231. Due to the drop in staff morale, I have decided to address some of the more prevalent points.
• Yes, Procedure 110-Montauk is as horrible as you have heard, which is why only Class D Personnel are authorized to carry it out. Yes, it does involve brutal mishandling of crucial funding assets.
• No, assignment to SCP-231 is not intended to test your loyalty to the Foundation, your tendencies towards throwing money at the problem, or anything else.
• No, SCP-231 is not a punishment detail.
• Yes, there are staff members who have been on SCP-231 and have successfully transferred out by their own request. No, not everyone who's worked on SCP-231 is terminated upon leaving the project.
• No, you may not keep the cash she doesn't pick up.
• Yes, staff members who have been assigned to SCP-231 are allowed to take a Class A Amnesiac before leaving the project if so desired. Yes, false memories are then implanted. No, none of the supposed methods for recovering or detecting false memories work. Yes, there are some of you who've worked on SCP-231 and don't remember it.
• No, we have not given up trying to save up for a specific appeasement fund for SCP-231-7, but research in that field must be carried out with the utmost of caution. Based on the increased potency of each subsequent asset liquidation event associated with each subsequent "Collections Liaison" specimen, there is a strong possibility that SCP-231-7's repossession event could result in an XK class end-of-the-world scenario. This information is corroborated in notebooks recovered from the accountants (see document "Seven Brides, Seven Percent Compound Interest," SCP-231-Adjunct B).
• No, filing for bankruptcy is NOT an option. Neither is drugging her and throwing post-it notes. She has to be aware of the individual value of each bill for 110-Montauk to work.
• One final note: The Foundation does many frivolous things in the completion of our mission, but our mission is important enough that the debt is one we must pay. Containment of SCP-231 is one of our most dangerous duties, not because of any direct danger to ourselves (like SCP-682) but because of the danger that our credit score will fail even harder, that we will allow ourselves to either let down our guard due to lack of a reasonable budget, or that we will allow ourselves to become monsters through the performance of monstrous spending. Just do your jobs, and save the philosophizing for the payroll department.
Sincerely,
The Administrator
GIVE ME MY MONEY YOU PUTRID BAGS OF BONES AND MEAT AND FECES, WHERE'S MY FUCKING MONEY, YOU'VE GOT EXACTLY WHAT I WANT, WHERE I CAN'T GET IT, I'LL EVEN ACCEPT TRAVELER'S CHECKS FOR FUCK'S SAKE
- "Fuck if I know."
Item #: SCP-231-Omega-J
Object Class: Apollyon
Special Containment Procedures: "God help us all."
Description: SCP-231-Omega-J is the Foundation's credit rating.
